Larping All Tomorrows

Water bear. Moss piglet. Tardigrades are the true galactic troopers. These eight-legged micro manatees can survive without air or water in the intense radiation of outer space. Scientists have chilled them down to -200 Celsius and boiled the poor bears (300 F/150 C) up to an hour without incident.

When hibernating, moss piglets can activate a seemingly supernatural gene that generates a shield-like protein to protect them from pretty much every environmental hazard we’re aware of. 

Caveat: New research (January 2020) shows they do have a fatal flaw, in that a nice hot bath of 100 degrees Fahrenheit (38 degrees Celsius) can kill them in about one day on your planet Earth.

Unfortunately: Newer research (April 2023) shows the Academy of Military Sciences radiation biotechnology laboratory in Beijing used the CRISPR/Cas9 gene-editing tool to insert (fuck) the radiation-resistant tardigrade gene into human embryonic stem cells. 90 percent of the fused hybrids survived a lethal exposure to X-ray radiation.

One assumption is they ran the experiment with actual humans to create radiation-resistant supersoldiers, but I’m reaching for the stars, friends.

Our space manatee offspring: larping All Tomorrows. We ARE the Qu, maaan.